The Lord has sharpened His Scripture sword and is cutting away the “fluff” in my life. When I say “fluff”, I’m talking about the things that so easily distract (stop) us from discovering His deep truths! Now, you may be saying, “What deep truths are you talking about Mark?” Thanks for asking. The Scripture the Lord so wonderfully opened up to me really lays it out! In James 1:22, it says, “But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.” THOSE ARE ACTION WORDS!!! When we first met Jesus and were born-again, we started going to church regularly, listening to our Pastor teach, and reading our Bibles. ALL GREAT THINGS! But, as we grow (at least we’re supposed to), we must go higher. Here’s where the Word of God meets the deep places in the Believer in Jesus! (I pray) James 1:23-24 says, “For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like”. Reading a Scripture because it’s what you’re supposed to do, instead of wanting to do it is a ”glance.” I’ve done it! The clock is set, and we’re going to get that Bible reading time in and check the finished box. Done! Yes, reading Scripture is very important, but the heart and mindset while doing it is important also. I want the Holy Spirit to take me on a guided tour! Amen? Okay, so let’s finish this. Notice in this verse below “glancing” turns into “looking carefully” “But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.” [James 1:25] LOOK, DO and REMEMBER = BLESSED!

Many years ago, the Lord began to open up to me about who we really are. Here in this Old Testament verse, we see the Presence of the Lord filling the Temple of God. “The priests could not continue their service because of the cloud, for the glorious presence of the LORD filled the Temple of God.” [2Chron. 5:14 NLT] So let’s flip to those pages in our Bibles to a verse in the New Testament, 1Cor. 3:16 NLT says, “Don't you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?” What the Lord is showing us is that we are now the Temple of God, where the Holy Spirit lives. We also read: “You have made them [into] a kingdom and priests to our God, and they will reign upon the earth."[Rev 5:10 NASB20] In the first verse, ”The priests could not continue their service because of the cloud, for the glorious presence of the LORD filled the Temple of God.” Now we are a kingdom, and we are now priests, set apart and filled with the Holy Spirit! Ask the Lord to speak over you WHO YOU ARE TO HIM. He loves to do that! Here’s the important part: BE QUIET AND LISTEN!!!! We need to stay in God’s Presence all the time! We need to listen for His voice all the time and allow Him to lead us! We are the Lord’s Glory-carrying Army that this world so desperately needs right now to speak His Truth in Love and drive out the lies of the devil! I’M ALL IN!

As I was reading the events of Jesus' birth in Luke, I believe that there must have been such excitement in the air as the Heavenly Angels sang Glory to God in the Highest! The hearts of the shepherds must have jumped for joy, for they were told by the angels that the long-promised Savior of the world was born! I can feel the excitement as I read the Holy Scriptures outlining the events of this Most Holy night! Luke 2:7-14: tells us: “And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them? and they were sore and afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tiding of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with angels a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace, good will toward men." As I was pondering the events in Luke, I thought of the beautiful Christmas hymns that have been written throughout the years regarding the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The following are some of the hymns that came to my mind: SILENT NIGHT: Silent night, holy night, All is calm; all is bright. Round yon Virgin Mother and Child Holy infant, so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace Sleep in heavenly peace HOLY SCRIPTURE: (Luke 2:7) "And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn." THE FIRST NOEL: The first Noel, the angel, did say was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay; In fields where they lay keeping their sheep, On a cold winter's night that was so deep. HOLY SCRIPTURES: (Luke 2:8-9) "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field. Keeping watch over their flock by night And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid." O LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM: Oh little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by Yet in thy dark streets shineth, the everlasting light The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight. For Christ is born of Mary, and gathered all above While mortals sleep the angels keep their watch of wondering love Oh morning stars together, proclaim thy holy birth. And praises sing to God the king, and peace to men on earth. Oh little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by Yet in thy dark streets shineth, the everlasting light The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight. HOLY SCRIPTURE: (LUKE 2:15) “And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made know unto us.” AWAY IN A MANGER: Away in a manger No crib for a bed The little Lord Jesus Laid down His sweet head The stars in the bright sky Looked down where He lay The little Lord Jesus Asleep on the hay The cattle are lowing The Baby awakes But little Lord Jesus No crying He makes I love You, Lord Jesus Look down from the sky And stay by my side Until morning is nigh Be near me, Lord Jesus I ask You to stay Close by me forever And love me I pray Bless all the dear children In Your tender care And fit us for heaven To live with You there HOLY SCRIPTURE: (LUKE 2:16) “And they came with haste, and found Mary and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.” O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL: O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem O come and behold Him, born the King of Angels O come, let us adore Him O come, let us adore Him O come, let us adore Him Christ the Lord HOLY SCRIPTURES: (LUKE 2:17-18) "And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds." JOY TO THE WORLD: Joy to the world, the Lord is come Let Earth receive her King Let every heart prepare Him room And Heaven and nature sing And Heaven and nature sing And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing HOLY SCRIPTURE (LUKE 2:20) “And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen as it was told unto them.” This last hymn says it all O HOLY NIGHT—OH NIGHT DIVINE! O HOLY NIGHT: O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining It is the night of the dear Savior's birth! Long lay the world in sin and error pining Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn! Fall on your knees Oh hear the angel voices Oh night divine Oh night when Christ was born Oh night divine Oh night divine HOLY SCRIPTURES: (John 1:14, 16, 17) “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace. For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.” During this Christmas season as you listen to The First Noel, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, O Little Town of Bethlehem, Away in a Manger, O Come All Ye Faithful, Joy to the World, Silent Night, O Holy Night or any of the other beautiful Christmas hymns, may your hearts be filled with His love, His Joy and His Peace. Listening to Christmas hymns will help you to keep your focus on Jesus for He is the reason for the season!

Because of Bethlehem By Max Lucado For some, Christmas is a time of excitement, celebration, and quality time with loved ones. For others, it's full of loneliness, grief, and loss. Join New York Times bestselling author Max Lucado as he unwraps the enduring promises of Christmas and discovers a lifetime of hope, all because of one baby born in Bethlehem. It's easy to lose sight of the remarkable story of Christmas. We forget that a king ordered a census, Joseph was forced to travel, Mary bounced on a donkey's back, the hotel was full, the hour was late, and the event was one big hassle. Yet, out of that hassle, hope was born. In Because of Bethlehem, Max invites us to look at the Christmas story from a different perspective. He reminds us that Christmas is about more than a pretty tree with presents piled up underneath it. Christmas begins what Easter celebrates: the child in the cradle who goes on to become the King on the cross. Because of Bethlehem, we have a place on earth and a Savior in heaven. In the midst of your hectic Christmas season, Max will give you the encouragement, advice, and tools you need to: Rekindle your connection to the Christ of Christmas Receive the promises of the Christmas season Lay down your endless Christmas to-do list and trust what Jesus has already done Heal your heartache by embracing the God who is always near you, always for you, and always with you Each copy of Because of Bethlehem will also include an Advent Devotional Guide designed to help you reflect on the miracle of Christ's birth and the promise of his return. As you curl up in a comfortable spot and take a closer look at the wild and wonderful story of Bethlehem, may you find enduring faith for all seasons of your life. No matter what this season holds for you, rest in the truth that the promise of Christmas has the power to bring you a lifetime of hope and healing.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart celebrates, and I give thanks to Him with my song." [Psalm 28:7 CSB] Is it just me, or lately, do we have to press in a little more when we pray and give thanks? It has been rough for many and very rough for others. However, through it all, there is so much each of us could thank God for! As the Psalmist writes: "Our hearts can celebrate and give thanks to Him with my song.” The LORD is my strength! The Lord is my shield! My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped! Be strong, be encouraged, and be thankful this holiday season. From your family here at NCCA: We pray you and your loved ones have a Very Blessed Thanksgiving!!

PAID EVENT November 5, 2022 9:00 to 5:00 Bradenton, Fl. Today’s youth have experienced overwhelming stress, anxiety, and depression during the last several years and continue to during these times. We live in a world that is often hard to navigate as Christian parents, especially if you don't have the support of other strong Christians around you. Join us on November 5, 2022, for a day of practical keys and tools to equip and empower you to parent from peace and connect with your children. Speakers Include: -Yesenia Reta, LCSW -Dr. Lisa Winchell, Clinical Pastoral Counselor -Jasmine Klugh, LCSW -Ashley Cyr, Clinical Pastoral Counselor -Naomi Burt, Pastor -Julie Christian, Author The cost is $10 and lunch will be provided. Sessions Include: Mental/Emotional Health Speaker: Jasmine D.W. Klugh, LCSW How do I know if my child needs help? Children and adolescents go through times of big changes, and all kids tend to experience emotional ups and downs throughout different stages of life. In this session, we will discuss how to identify when our children need help and how to support them through hard times. Self-Care for Parents Speaker: Yesenia Reta, LCSW You may have heard "you can't pour from an empty cup" or "you gotta put your oxygen mask on first" before. In this session, you will learn about the various ways to care for yourself and how that impacts your parenting positively. You will walk away with a customized self-care plan that you can implement as soon as you get home. Relational Health Speaker: Dr. Lisa Winchell, Clinical Pastoral Counselor Joy-filled connections with our kids empower their relationship skills and hold their hearts near to their parent's values. Joy is always relational, it comes from "connection" with God, true self, and others. Dr. Lisa will give you tools for connection with your kids, identifying topical vs relational communication, and "today" skills for staying in relational mode, or returning to relational mode quicker when you lose it. Spiritual Health: Knowing Your True Identity Speaker: Ashley Cyr, Clinical Pastoral Counselor The enemy is relentlessly at work to steal the identity of our children through performance, approval of others, shame, blame, and condemnation. In this session, we’ll explore these four areas deeper, so you can help equip your children to: reveal how their lives have been negatively affected by the lies the world teaches, learn to stop looking to all the wrong places for affirmation, and love, and experience the incredible truth that their self-worth is found not in what others think of them or what they achieve, but in God’s love for them and what He says about them. Special Guest: i-Destiny in Christ Speaker: Pastor Naomi Burt Pastor Naomi Burt will share a small part of her series, “i-Destiny in Christ”. Her testimony of healing from sexual identity struggles will give you hope for any young people in your life struggling in this area. Pastor Naomi will help equip you to “love them through their problems” and “not accept it as part of who they are”. Special Guest: Julie Christian Topic: Technology and your Kids (Julie will be joining us through Zoom, from Georgia) Julie Christian has four children, ages 13,14, 21, and 32. She is married to the man of her dreams. Julie has completed two novels, Sugar Machine, and Her Father’s Ocean. She is currently writing her third novel, Come @s U R. Her work has been published in the devotional compilation, Abba’s Heart (Crossriver Media), and her story is featured in a chapter of Strength of a Woman (Crews, Ascender Books). She is an ambassador and featured blogger at ScreenStrong Families Managing Media and was previously a regular contributor to InspireAFire.com. She has been featured on podcasts such as Other Peoples Shoes, Look out for Joy, and Screenstrong Families. Her work has been featured in The Epoch Times. Six years ago, Julie and her husband chose to drastically limit their children’s access to toxic technology, and the results they saw forever changed their lives and the lives of their children. Since then, they have been advocates of a “low-tech” lifestyle for children and families.

The Importance Of Breakfast By: Dr. Phyllis J. Arno Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. This is because you have gone all night without eating, and your BODY, SOUL, and SPIRIT need “fuel” to function. FOR OUR BODY, we need to start our day with a good nutritious breakfast to sustain us physically. FOR OUR SOUL, we need to start our day with a good nutritious breakfast on the Word of God to sustain our minds, will, and emotions. In temperament terms, this is our Inclusion, Control, and Affection. FOR OUR SPIRIT, we need to start our day with a good nutritious breakfast of the Fruit of the Spirit as outlined in Galatians 5:22-26: LOVE, JOY, PEACE LONGSUFFERING, GENTLENESS, GOODNESS FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL In his book “The Ministry of the Holy Spirit” William Fitch asks the question: What is this fruit? He then explains that it is the likeness of Jesus Christ, Himself, in His followers. This is why we speak of “fruit” and not fruits,” it is one fruit. Christ cannot be subdivided. I would like to encourage you to start each day with the Lord. When your eyes open and your mind tells you it is time to get up, your first thoughts could be: “Good morning, Lord, thank you for this new day. I lay my day in your hands, and I ask you to guide and direct my steps throughout this new day.” Proverbs 23:7 tells us: “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he….” We never know what a day will bring; however, we do know that if we start with the Lord, He will bring us through each day. We must learn to maintain balance in our body, soul, and spirit. We can’t feed one area and neglect the other two. We must be equipped body, soul, and spirit to fulfill the call that God has on our life. We are called according to His purpose. In John 4:34, Jesus said: “My meat is to do the will of him that sent me and to finish his work.” We need to keep in mind that: The SOUL wants to be in control. The SPIRIT must be in control. The BODY will please the one that is in control. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE ABOVE INFORMATION APPLIES TO ALL THE TEMPERAMENTS AS WE ARE ALL CREATED BY GOD WITH A BODY, SOUL, AND SPIRIT! PLEASE REMEMBER TO START YOUR DAY WITH A BALANCED BREAKFAST FOR YOUR BODY, SOUL, AND SPIRIT!

Beyond All Thinking by JoAnn Scoma McElroy According to this octogenarian, one is never too old to dream big and accomplish goals. The writer of this memoir testifies to her personal quest to achieve her dreams through every decade of her life-even earning a PhD in clinical counseling in her late seventies. She looks back at the obstacles, the victories, and the lessons to be learned.

Maryland Christian Counseling Ministry Institute has been a Certified Academic Institute since April 2015; Dr. Kevin Bethea is the Director and a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, Advanced Certified in Marriage & Family counseling. He is also an International Representative of the Sarasota Academy of Christian Counseling. Dr. Bethea teaches that our institute and counseling center is to equip the saints for the work of counseling ministry and use the APS testing tool to build up the saints by identifying their unique temperament makeup. Ephesians 4:12. A natural process of growth is expected by God from each of His people and each unique counseling setting. As the need for maturity and growth becomes more critical, we become more aware of the need for maturing and training Christian counselors and coaches. Since the global pandemic, all of our in-person counseling and counseling training has been moved online and with great success. Our students come into contact with other students via virtual training and counseling from many diverse backgrounds to interact with Christian instructors, staff, and administrators. MCCMI provides an environment that encourages academic achievement, spiritual development, and high morals. We want to help each student develop good methods of study and to see the value in knowing God’s word. To provide an atmosphere that enhances intellectual and spiritual growth. Many lasting friendships will develop as one attends these virtual classes. As our students become certified The stated purpose of the Maryland Christian Counseling Ministry Institute is: “For The Equipping of The Saints in Training whole persons” This statement of purpose encompasses all counseling disciplines of the institute. To provide churches and individual Christians the means and methods to accomplish in their lives and ministries the above-stated purpose. To provide opportunities for in-depth Christian Counseling studies in local venues. Providing the possibility of greater spiritual growth for any Christian who is “hungering and thirsting after righteousness” and a greater counseling biblical knowledge. Providing the means for increased fruitfulness of the ministries within local venues. To provide a solid foundation of counseling biblical knowledge to safeguard and maintain the doctrinal integrity of local venues for future generations. To train and equip today’s Christian counselors, teachers, parents, and others with tools needed to address the 21st-century problems and opportunities for both young and old. Counseling for Success One of the highlighted issues today is counseling relationships; many of my students are making a good income from relationship counseling. The secret to any counseling business is pricing, networking, and marketing; once we teach them how to correctly do those items, there will be a success. We must become strong, active Christians seeking to better equip ourselves for the success of future Christian counseling services. One who is inactive because of his lack of knowledge and confidence in his ability to use counseling effectively will not succeed. Any approach to in-depth Biblical Christian Counseling study must meet the needs of both these circumstances. On the other hand, no approach will be or is expected to be, successful among those who have no desire to improve their knowledge or ability or are completely indifferent to their growth and involvement. The diversity in Christian counseling education achievement among Bible students must be dealt with in a very creative fashion. We have to be able to teach a diversity of people simultaneously in the same group counseling situation, from those with a third-grade education to those with a university-level education. This can be done because the educational background has very little effect on one’s ability to connect, inspire and revive the heart of a person. We must have an understanding of the truths of God’s Word, yet every group or class must keep all clients or students meaningfully involved. The body of Christ is composed of people from various tribes, tongues, and nations. Any counseling program that tries to force all students into a single culture mold will be self-defeating. Thus any counseling program must be adaptable to all sections of the world. In this area of service, we are admittedly weak. However, the CAI concept of the National Christian Counseling Association is presented as one of the best-known methods of teaching in-depth Biblical Counseling lessons to a vast number of people.

I believe the Lord sparked this encouragement through a song I recently heard by Keith Green titled, ‘Asleep In The Light’. I was drawn to the words where, at one point he sings,“Jesus rose from the grave, and you can’t even get out of bed!” My heart ached as I held back the tears. These words broke me! So, I asked the Lord to show me where they were “sleeping in the light” in His Word. He brought me to Matthew 26, where Jesus took His disciples to the Garden of Gethsemane to watch, with Him for one hour. He brought the disciples, but He took Peter, James, and John a little farther up the path. Then He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me." (Matt. 26:38) I will now try to put into words what He showed me. The disciples had walked with Jesus (The Light) for over 3 years. Now Jesus is, “deeply grieved,” and asks them to keep watch with Him. As you know, they fell asleep. Twice. They were sleeping when The Light asked them to keep watch! It happens to everybody. It happens to me and if I wasn’t obedient to let God give me a nudge I might have slept through writing this encouragement. So that's what He did, and that's what I just got - the Divine Nudge. Why is it so easy for us, even for His disciples, to become complacent? Especially about the things of God. Like taking His salvation and His miracles for granted as if they're just items on the supermarket conveyor belt. Well, I don't want that level of mediocrity in my life and I don't believe that you want it either. Therefore, I am determined to remain spiritually awake and listen to the voice of my Savior and not fall asleep on Him and His work for me. Like the song says, I shall strive not to be “Asleep In The Light”. Love ya!

ABOVE AND BEYOND COUNSELING ACADEMY Above and Beyond Counseling Academy, is an NCCA Certified Academic institution since September 10, 2008. Dr. Donald Ibbitson, the President, is an NCCA Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, Advanced Certified. He is also an International Representative of the Sarasota Academy of Christian Counseling. Dr. Ibbitson informs us that Spirits of lust and pornography run rampantly through our nation and, indeed, the church today. That statement does not represent revelation to anyone paying attention to secular news or keeping up with drama in the church. Like many of you, we encounter male and female pastors, leaders, and lay persons who are in bondage in this area and desperately seek freedom. At Above & Beyond, we adopt a two-prong approach, if the client concurs, that incorporates deliverance ministry and APS testing. Along with traditional counseling techniques and tools, we also focus extensively on deliverance ministry and have done so for more than twenty years. We believe Christians can be indwelt and tormented by demonic spirits that must be driven out, per Mark 16:17, if those are the root of their struggles. Once that is done, the client is better able to receive and act upon godly counsel, including recommendations from the APS profiles. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our struggles are not fleshly but against spiritual forces of evil (demons) in the heavenly and earthly realm. We have seen people helped tremendously by calling out spirits of lust, perversion, pornography, and others that torment believers in this area. If the client is open (and most are because they know about our Center), we first take them through our five-step delivery process. That is the ideal approach because the inner torment will be released. Some clients experience such freedom that they do not want to continue counseling. However, we recommend the APS testing to help them stay free and make life and mind battle changes to walk out their freedom. Common Temperament Themes in Clients My issues are common to all. We have found that the Melancholy temperaments appear most prone to becoming addicted to pornography. Still, we find the loner temperament, with their tendency to isolate, active fantasy life, and desire for intimacy to end with sexual activity as conducive to this. One of our counselors dealt with a client who was bombarded with stress. He used porn as a release which got him entangled in perversion and addiction. He scored Melancholy in Affection, so he did not make it a priority to express affection to his wife. This caused her to draw away, and he became addicted to porn and went on a downward cycle. He lost his wife and family. Another individual, Melancholy in Inclusion, had a man cave and found no guilt or shame because he wasn't hurting anyone in his office. One of our counselors, José Barreda, has been a counselor for over thirty years and shared these insights on his experience with temperament tendencies linked to pornography and immorality: "It has been my experience that through my years of Temperament Counseling, all temperaments have the tendencies to fall into the grips of pornography and immorality. In counseling primarily men, I have seen that the Melancholic temperament tends to fall deeper into self-gratification more than any other of the temperaments. Secondly, I have seen those Phlegmatic mixes with the Melancholic and Sanguine are drawn to immorality and get addicted to pornography. In counseling couples or women, I have seen that the Sanguine and Melancholic women tend to practice self-gratification. I believe that romance novels, movies, and the promotion of immodesty have lit the fuse to these tendencies in women with these temperaments. Yet all temperaments may be affected due to cultural or generational concerns, any type of trauma which brings out insecurity, lack of operation in our God-given spiritual gifts, and using these gifts for personal gain or gratification. All temperaments are also affected by any emotional or especially sexual abuse as well as Those men with melancholic temperaments are isolated and yet are longing for partnership and affirmation. Intrusive thoughts defraud these men, and their inclusion and affection tendencies of not having the ability to express affection are drawn away by their imagination. Melancholic people, both men and women are highly creative. The media often defrauded this creativity to imagine themselves into immoral and lustful visual entertainment. If the melancholic is merged with the phlegmatic, their sense of insecurity and inferiority is escalated. Those with the Sanguine or Sanguine/Phlegmatic blend constantly need to be with people. This fear of rejection triggers their impulse for self-gratification. Social media has played a big part in helping them cope with the 'feeling' of isolation or not being wanted. Even though the Sanguine can respond or recover faster and regain their composure when rejected, the Melancholic or Phlegmatic have a challenging time with this fear of abandonment. One of the things we have found in counseling is that when one feels hurt or rejected, anger is the trigger that leads one to practice any act of impurity. Many that suffer from sexual immorality, even perversive sexual bondage, have identified rejection from an authority figure or spouse. They react in anger and fall into the trap of self-gratification and selfish ambitions. Cholerics have a unique battle with sexually addictive behavior. In many cases, I have seen those with this temperament tendency. Their demand for affirmation makes them want to constantly be avowed and appreciated. When they do not get this recognition, they pursue it vehemently, and in many cases cause family divisions." One of our counselors dealt with a woman who saw her sister killed in front of her at age five and was also molested by an uncle at thirteen. She began to masturbate to ease her pain, got involved in pornography, and descended into a destructive sex addiction lifestyle. She was Melancholy in Control and Sanguine in Affection and managed to keep her secret life hidden for a long time. Deliverance freed her from the addiction but beating pornography involved a six-month struggle to win mind battles. We all know that Melancholies typically: Don't express their needs Have highly active minds Engage in sexual fantasies Need affection to end in physical expression. Sanguines in Affection require a lot of love and, if unmet, are undoubtedly prone to unhealthy relationships and pursuits that can open the door to pornography, lust, and more. After deliverance from the demonic torment, we focus on helping our clients learn how to wage warfare in the mind, to take thoughts captive as memories resurface. Because pornography comprises a substantial visual component linked to emotional stimulation, the walk to total freedom is often tenuous and involves daily battles. We live in a sensually stimulating environment, and social media/internet options only fan the flames of whatever issues a person is dealing with. As counselors, we need to bring our knowledge, best tools, and solutions to bear as we co-labor with Holy Spirit to set the captives free.

Youth, Temperament, and Stress By: Dr Phyllis J. Arno We are continuing the series titled Youth, Temperament and Stress. In this issue we will review some of the “Stress Triggers” in the Inclusion area of the Supine youth. We will specifically cover “stress” in the home and in school. In review, the Inclusion area is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in the area of surface relationships, associations and socialization and intellectual energies. Word Review of the Supine Youth in Inclusion introvert/extrovert sensitive people-pleaser servant people-oriented fears rejection “hurt” feelings weak-willed gentle spirit internalized anger responder low self-esteem STRESS TRIGGERS – HOME 1. PARENTAL REJECTION/FEELING USED BY PARENTS This youth needs acceptance. Parental rejection will cause them to have feelings of insecurity. They already have a low self-esteem and when their parents reject them or they perceive their parents are rejecting them, they will tend to pull away from the parents. Unfortunately, the parents do not realize that the youth is pulling away or that they have these feelings of rejection. This is because the youth has indirect behavior and when they pull away, the parents think they do not want to be included; however, on the inside they are longing to be included and screaming, “Please include me.” These hurt feelings are actually internalized anger, and after this youth has stored up all the anger they can possibly contain, they tend to “explode.” You need to teach the parents that they need to make this Supine in Inclusion youth feel included. 2. INABILITY TO EXPRESS THEIR THOUGHTS This youth needs to learn to be more direct as they want their parents and friends to be able to read their mind. The Supine in Inclusion youth wants their parents and friends to know that they want to be included in conversations; they want them to know what they want to eat, where they want to go, etc. This youth wants people to be genuine. They think that if others really cared, they would know what the Supine in Inclusion youth wants; otherwise, they are doing it because the youth asked. This youth needs to learn that people cannot read their mind. You need to teach the parents to encourage this Supine in Inclusion youth to express their feelings. In other words, the parents need to start the “ball rolling” by asking them “What would you like for dinner?” “How are things going?” “How did school go today?” 3. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY - PARENTS - DRUGS/ALCOHOL Encourage the parents to seek help in getting off drugs and alcohol. If it is readily available, this youth will tend to turn to drugs and alcohol because this will help them escape from their feelings of rejection. Remember: CHILDREN HAVE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT LISTENING TO THEIR ELDERS, BUT THEY HAVE NEVER FAILED TO IMITATE THEM! James Baldwin 4. BLENDED OR SINGLE FAMILY - SIBLING RIVALRY Enlighten the parents as to how there is a “pecking order” and that when families are blended, there may be two firstborns, two lastborn, so each youth will be fighting to maintain their position. This can create problems such as rejection, anger, jealousy, resentment, etc., and can bring stress to this blended family. The parents need to be aware of the fact that Supine in Inclusion youths will have a difficult time trying to maintain their position. This is because they will feel unwanted and will pull away from everyone—just like a turtle pulls into his shell when he fears danger. In a single parent family where one parent needs to be mother and father and cannot give the Supine in Inclusion youth quantity time, they can give them quality time. Quality time means the parent gives them their undivided attention—setting aside a time just for this youth. Since this youth is task oriented/relationship oriented, asking them to help with the chores or preparing dinner would provide the youth with the special time they need to feel accepted. 5. SEXUAL ABUSE - BABYSITTERS, SIBLINGS, RELATIVES, ETC. Knowing this youth’s temperament is the key to knowing what questions to ask. Parents need to let this youth know that they can tell them anything and they will not reject them. Supine in Inclusion youths need to be able to talk things out, but first they need an invitation to share this heavy burden. They need to know that they will not be punished for this abuse because, in their mind, they tend to feel that they may have caused this abuse just by being on planet earth! This is because a Supine in Inclusion youth tends to feel responsible for everything that happens. In their mind, they can carry a heavy load of false guilt which reinforces to them they are worthless and have no value. Parents also need to look for signs such as withdrawing from the family, irritability, overeating, cutting themselves, using drugs, drinking alcohol, etc. Parents should know to whom they are entrusting their children. Teach the parents to encourage the Supine in Inclusion youth to come to them with any and all problems they may be encountering. Supine in Inclusion youths, once included and invited to share, will open up and share their heavy burden. 6. AVAILABILITY OF ADULT MOVIES, TELEVISION AND THE INTERNET Teach the parents to always know what the Supine in Inclusion youth is watching on television and what movies they are seeing. They also need to be aware of what the youth is doing while on the computer. For the Supine in Inclusion youth it can be an escape from reality—a place where they can get away from their feelings of inadequacy. This Supine in Inclusion youth needs boundaries. Again, they are usually willing to tell you what they are watching and what they are doing on the Internet. Parents Need to Become Cyber Savvy! ELEMENTARY SCHOOL Learn about parental controls and filtering software. You can use search engines such as safesearchkids.com Teach your kids to never give out their telephone number or address online. MIDDLE SCHOOL Keep the Internet account in your name to control passwords and filtering. Check your children’s Internet browsing history. Allow them to email and instant-message only people they know. Randomly check their emails and “buddy lists.” If your children participate in chats, help them pick screen names that don’t reveal personal information. Take cyber-bullying seriously. If someone posts threatening or dangerous comments about your child, report it to the police and your service provider. House rule: No downloading without your permission. You can set permissions on smartphones to have time limits on certain apps as well as prevent any downloads from happening without a password. Apple iPhone Parental Controls Samsung Galaxy Parental Controls HIGH SCHOOL Teach teens to use caution when posting about their friends and their plans. Make sure your teens’ online photos don’t reveal identifying information, such as their school’s name. Require your child to ask you before meeting an online “friend” in person. If you agree, schedule the meeting in a public place and accompany your teen. If you have more questions about the intricacies of social media platforms, smartphones, and cybersecurity/cyberbullying please click the button below for parental guides. NETWORK KNOW-HOW Social networking sites such as Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Facebook set minimum ages for participation. Generally, if your children are 13 or younger, you can have their pages removed. Read a site’s Terms of Use carefully for full details. Ask to see your teens’ pages on social networking sites. Go through their feed, following, and saved posts. Have your teens use the privacy settings on social networking sites, but be aware that some information, such as their picture, nickname, age and location may still be available for all users to see. Go through your teens’ “friends” list to make sure they know and trust those people in real life. Consider making your own profile and “friending” your teens to stay informed about what they are posting. Create a permission on their phone to set a limit and time frame they are allowed to be on social media platforms. STRESS TRIGGERS – SCHOOL 1. INTERACTION ALL DAY – No down time Teach the parents that after school, this Supine in Inclusion youth needs time to “slot their thoughts” regarding the day. They need to be able to relieve their stress by sharing their day with them and telling them all the details; if they ask them to do so. They are “dying” to tell the parents, but they are usually afraid they are not interested. Remember, Supine in Inclusion youths usually know if you are sincere or not. 2. INABILITY TO SOCIALIZE—Not being included—want others to read their mind At school, teachers and other students perceive that the Supine in Inclusion youth does not want anything to do with them, so they leave them alone. Because of the Supine in Inclusion youth’s indirect behavior, they tend to appear stuck-up and aloof. This, in turn, causes the Supine in Inclusion youth to have feelings of rejection from the teachers and students in school. This severe rejection may affect the Supine in Inclusion youth emotionally and physically. It affects them emotionally because they cannot handle the rejection and they are stressed because of their need for Inclusion. Then this emotional stress can affect their physical well-being. They may not want to go to school because they have this pit or knot in their stomach. They may lose their appetite and can end up with stomach ulcers, etc. They will not want to go to school because of the fear of rejection. Parents need to work with this Supine in Inclusion youth and encourage them to be more direct. With the parent’s encouragement, they can learn to be more direct in voicing their needs. The parents need to remind them that teachers and students cannot read their mind—they need to learn to speak out. 3. AVAILABILITY OF DRUGS/ALCOHOL/SEX Encourage the parents to watch for signs of drugs, alcohol and sex. The Supine in Inclusion youth, if they are using drugs or drinking alcohol, could become moodier and more withdrawn. Or they could become loud and boisterous. They could also become more irritable than usual and pull away from their family and friends. The Supine in Inclusion youth may do drugs, drink alcohol and commit sexual acts as a way of escaping their feelings of rejection. They think it will make them feel better and that others will then accept them. The parents need to teach the youth the consequences of drugs/alcohol/sex. They need to be prepared by having DVDs, CDs or movies to watch with this youth. Seeing is a good teaching tool for the Supine in Inclusion youth, because they can become easily bored with facts. There is a lot of GOOD information on the Internet regarding this. For example: National Institute on Drug Abuse http://www/drugabuse.gov Look for Signs of Sexual Addiction: Frequently telling sexual jokes or making sexual comments or innuendos. Engaging in sexual activity-especially with several partners. Spending considerable time in activities that could lead to sexual activity, such as cruising for potential partners or spending hours online in chat rooms trying to hook up with others. Visiting pornographic websites or looking at pornographic magazines, books, videos. Neglecting obligations such as work, school, or family in pursuit of sexual activity. Continuing to engage in illicit sexual behavior despite the negative consequences related with such activities. Escalating the scope or frequency of sexual activity to achieve a desired effect, such as more frequent visits to Web sites or sex with more partners. Frequently isolating themselves from parents and friends and not informing others of their whereabouts. Getting angry if someone shows concerns or questions them about sex or their use of pornography. Feeling irritable when unable to engage in some sort of sexual activity for a long period of time. Making telephone calls with an 800 or 900 prefix. Becoming increasingly dishonest with other people. People who work with sex addicts say that when someone meets 3 or more of the above, that person could possibly have a problem with sexual addiction. For more information on help for troubled youth and adults and for those who minister to them. You can also go to The Missing Link Inc. at http://misslink.org 4. DISAPPROVAL FROM TEACHERS/CLASSMATES Encourage the parents to find out why their children are having problems with their teachers and classmates, especially the bullies. Parents should encourage the youth to express their thoughts, listen and not immediately give their disapproval. Remember, Supine in Inclusion youths tend to perceive disapproval from teachers and classmates because of their low self-esteem and fear of rejection. Supine in Inclusion youths, because of their indirect behavior, send messages to everyone that they do not need anyone’s approval. They are aloof and standoffish. Supine in Inclusion youths are prime targets for bullying because they tend not to stand up for themselves. This youth at times may even feel they deserved to be bullied—after all, they feel they are worthless and have no value. If the parents teach them to become secure in knowing that they have their approval and God’s approval, this Supine in Inclusion youth will become secure—even if they do not have their teachers’ or classmates’ approval. By feeling secure with their parents’ and God’s approval, they will be able to be acceptant of themselves and who God created them to be and thus be able to be more direct in their behaviors. 5. BOMB THREATS AND SCHOOL KILLINGS Encourage the parents to discuss disasters at school and teach the Supine in Inclusion youth to stay “prayed up,” be aware of their surroundings, and not take any unnecessary chances. Encourage the parents to bring up the subject since the Supine in Inclusion youth probably will not. The Supine in Inclusion youth can become fearful and angry because no one is helping them to alleviate their fears. This can make them physically ill and emotionally unstable. 6. NEEDING TO GO ALONG WITH THE CROWD The Supine in Inclusion youth will go along with the group or crowd or even an individual in order to be accepted. They will tend to do things they know that are wrong. If they are with three or more people, they tend to feel rejection and start pulling away from the others. They would prefer to have one close friend at a time as they can interact better one-to-one. The parents should try to impress upon them the fact that they need to be pleasing God, not the crowd—the crowd will leave them; Jesus never will. NOTE: Being alone is very stressful for the Supine in Inclusion youth. If they do not have an outlet for their stress, they may become moody and angry. They may try to alleviate their stress by overeating. They may also try to find a release by using drugs, sex and alcohol. PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling Supine in Inclusion youths, you must take into consideration the following: their walk with the Lord, personality, learned behavior and birth order. Train Them In The Way They Will Go Children are a gift From our Lord Jesus Christ And they need all the love We can give them all their lives They also need some boundaries We set for them to grow That will keep them all safe And will teach them to know What values that we have And what’s right in the Lord To raise them Heavenward Is a task we've all been called As parents from the Lord We need to raise our young To always trust in God And to believe upon His Son To always walk with Him Until their days are through To know the plan he has And what God has called them to For we will always reap The amount that we have sowed So we must train them now In the way that they will go By M.S. Lowndes ”Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6