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Temperament Corner September/October

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

By: Dr. Phyllis J. Arno


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Supine in Affection

We have all heard the question: “What is love?”


As Christians, we often answer, “God is love,” and encourage people to read 1

Corinthians 13:4–7:

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, It does not boast, It is not proud, It is not rude, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres.

Many people respond, “But I can’t be patient or kind like that!”



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So what do we tell them?


The answer is simple: if a person has accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, then God’s unconditional love already lives in them, because God is love (1 John 4:16).


All they need to do is “tap into” His love by letting go of their own conditional love and allowing God’s unconditional love to flow through them. When they do this, their love is no longer based on conditions—it becomes unconditional.


God’s Command to Love

Deuteronomy 6:5–9 tells us:

“And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”

Other helpful Scriptures include:


  • Matthew 22:37–39 – Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.

  • John 3:16 – God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son.

  • John 13:34 – Jesus commands us to love one another as He has loved us.

  • John 14:23–24 – Those who love Jesus will obey His words.

  • 2 Corinthians 7:1 – Purify yourself in body and spirit, out of reverence for God.

  • Philippians 1:9–10 – Pray that love grows in knowledge and discernment.

  • 2 Timothy 1:7 – God has given us a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.

  • 1 John 4:7–8, 15–16, 21 – Love one another, for love comes from God. Whoever loves is born of God, for God is love.


What Is Unconditional Love?

The Bible teaches that God loves us unconditionally.


Unconditional love means love without strings attached—we cannot earn it.

  • Wikipedia: “Affection without any limitations, or love without conditions.”

  • Webster’s: “Not subject to limitations or reservations.”


True love cannot be fully understood until we experience God’s love, because His love is perfect and unconditional. However, we must also understand that God’s love does not overlook sin.


Proverbs 6:16–19 lists seven things the Lord hates:

  1. A proud look

  2. A lying tongue

  3. Hands that shed innocent blood

  4. A heart plotting evil

  5. Feet quick to do mischief

  6. A false witness

  7. One who causes discord among brothers


Supine in Affection

Now, let’s look at some of the Supine temperament tendencies in the area of Affection.


Supines in Affection tend to:

  • Be responders, not initiators

  • Need a lot of love and affection

  • Expect close relationships to “read their minds”

  • Easily feel rejected

  • Be romantic

  • Value intimacy as much as sex

  • Have a gentle, tender spirit

  • Become emotional and cry

  • Need frequent reassurance that they are loved


Supines in Affection need to learn:


  • To look to Jesus first for love and affection, so they don’t place unrealistic expectations on others

  • To express their needs instead of expecting others to guess them

  • To stop assuming rejection and instead trust in their close relationships

  • That it’s okay to enjoy romance, like candlelight dinners or soft music

  • That showing emotions and crying is healthy—it’s a form of release


To rest in God’s love, knowing their worth comes from Him—He will never leave or forsake them


How can a supine in affection learn to love unconditionally?

By turning to God first for their emotional needs

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  • By understanding that God’s love does not go away when we fail

  • By remembering that God’s love is the model we are to follow

  • By learning not to be just an observer or responder in relationships. If they do not take initiative, they may seem distant or selfish

  • By staying engaged in their deep relationships and learning to give love, not just receive it


By finding a healthy balance—meeting others’ emotional needs, not just their own


NOTE TO COUNSELOR:

When working with someone who is Supine in Affection, be sure to consider their:


  • Learned behavior

  • Birth order

  • Walk with the Lord


These factors can deeply affect how the Supine temperament shows up in their affectionate relationships.

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