Choleric in Inclusion-Control-Affection
THE IMPORTANCE OF HELPING PARENTS BECOME AWARE OF THE NEED FOR THEIR CHOLERIC YOUTH TO GO THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS OVER THE LOSS OF A SURFACE AND/OR DEEP RELATIONSHIP.
Proverbs 22:6 tells us to: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
This includes teaching them about death and dying.
Since 2020 all over the world, youth, as well as adults, have been deeply affected by the deaths that have occurred, such as the loss of parents, grandparents, and friends.
Sometimes parents can become so engulfed in their own grief over the death of a spouse, parent, or friend that they do not realize their children are also grieving.
Now, more than ever, we as Christian counselors need to help the parents become aware that when there is a death in the family or of a close friend, their youth will also be grieving.
The parents must also understand that if they have several youths, each youth will handle their grief differently as each youth will usually have a different temperament.
Webster II defines grief as “Deep sadness as that caused by bereavement.”
The Five Steps of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
If the Choleric youth does not receive help to understand and move through the grieving process, they may become stuck in the anger stage. This anger can be directed toward God, their parents, and/or others.
We will review the Inclusion, Control, and Affection areas of the Choleric youth.
CHOLERIC YOUTH IN INCLUSION
REVIEWING GODLY WAYS PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR CHOLERIC YOUTH IN INCLUSION WORK THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS.
Brief description of some of the tendencies of the Choleric Youth in Inclusion:
Appears people-oriented, but is task-oriented, controlling, perfectionist, leader, thinker, people motivators/manipulator, well-organized, requires recognition for accomplishments, intolerant of weakness of others, self-reliant, independent, and has externalized anger, and tends to have an abusive temper.
Regarding the death of a surface or deep relationship, the Choleric youth may tend to show little emotion as they are task-oriented and do not express their feelings the same as a relationship-oriented person does. They tend to feel that showing emotions is a weakness. Therefore, they do not express their emotions; they keep everything bottled up. They may appear to others that they just moved on with life as if nothing happened. They tend to feel more comfortable doing tasks for the deceased's family. They tend to feel uncomfortable going to the funeral home or memorial services as they can’t relate to the emotional aspect of people grieving, hugging, and crying.
Since the Choleric youth wants to be in control, they may also tend to feel anger towards the deceased because they did not give them permission to die.
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THE CHOLERIC YOUTH IN INCLUSION MOVE THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS?
They first need to be aware that they themselves are grieving and that their youth will also be grieving.
They then should share with their youth that they are grieving too and that it is okay to grieve. Grieving is a normal emotion, not a sign of weakness.
The parents can help the Choleric youth in Inclusion by being there for them as they tend to need someone to talk with to process their thoughts and deal with their anger. This is because this youth is a well-organized deep thinker and may try to overanalyze why the person died and left them.
In other words, the Choleric youth need a “sounding board” to bounce their thoughts; they do not want others to talk; they tend to want them to listen. Having a person that will listen (as a sounding board) will help them to organize and deal with their loss.
The parents can also make an appointment with one of our temperament counselors for their youth. The temperament counselor will then generate an APS report on the youth and counsel them according to their temperament.
CHOLERIC YOUTH IN CONTROL
REVIEWING GODLY WAYS PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR CHOLERIC YOUTH IN CONTROL WORK THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS.
Brief description of some of the tendencies of the Choleric Youth In Control:
Independent, wants a great deal of control over the lives and behaviors over others, good leadership abilities, perfectionist, cruel abusive temper, needs recognition for accomplishment, externalized anger, quick decision maker, capable of undertaking poor behaviors in order to maintain control of others.
Regarding the death of a relationship in the Control area, the Choleric youth may tend to show little emotion as they are task oriented and do not express their emotions the same as a relationship-oriented person does. They tend to feel that showing emotions is a weakness; therefore, they keep everything bottled up inside.
They, too, just as the Choleric in Inclusion, tend to feel more comfortable doing tasks for the deceased’s family. They tend to feel very uncomfortable going to the funeral home or memorial services as they can’t relate with the emotional aspect of people grieving, hugging and crying.
Since the Choleric youth wants to be in Control, they may also tend to feel anger towards the deceased because they lost control of this person as they did not give them permission to die.
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THE CHOLERIC YOUTH IN CONTROL MOVE THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS?
They first need to be aware that their youth will also be grieving even though they are grieving.
They can share with the youth that they, the parents, are also grieving and that it is okay to grieve, and that grieving is not a sign of weakness. They need to share with them that it is okay to grieve, as it is a normal emotion.
The parents can also help the Choleric youth in Control by being there for them as they tend to need someone to talk with to process their thoughts and deal with their anger. This is because they want a great deal of control over the lives and behaviors of others, and when this relationship died, the Choleric youth lost control--they did not give them permission to die.
In other words, the Choleric youth tend to need a “sounding board” to bounce off their thoughts; they do not want others to talk; they tend to want them just to listen. A person who will listen (as a sounding board) will help them organize and deal with their loss.
They can also make an appointment with one of our temperament counselors for their youth. The temperament counselor will then generate an APS report on the youth and counsel them according to their temperament.
CHOLERIC YOUTH IN AFFECTION
REVIEWING GODLY WAYS PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR CHOLERIC YOUTH IN AFFECTION WORK THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS.
Brief description of some of the tendencies of the Choleric Youth In Affection:
Charming, can express any amount of love and affection they want to express, and capable of responding to any amount of love and affection to which they want to respond, difficult time relating to the deep, tender feelings of others, tends to develop relationships with people that are weak-willed, then resent their weakness, rejects deep relationships if they do not meet their terms or provide love according to their standards, and want to be in control of their deep relationship.
Regarding the death of a relationship in the deep Affection area, the Choleric youth may tend to show little emotion as they are task-oriented and do not express love and affection the same as a relationship-oriented person does. They tend to feel that showing emotions is a weakness. Therefore, they do not express their emotions; they keep everything bottled up. They tend to feel more comfortable doing tasks for the deceased’s family. They tend to feel uncomfortable going to the funeral home or memorial services as they can’t relate to the emotional aspect of people grieving, hugging, and crying.
Since the Choleric wants to be in Control, they may also tend to feel anger towards the deceased because they did not give them permission to leave them (die).
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THE CHOLERIC YOUTH IN AFFECTION MOVE THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS?
They first need to be aware that even though they themselves are grieving, their youth will also be grieving.
They can share with the Choleric youth in Affection that they, the parents, are also grieving and that it is okay to grieve and that grieving is not a sign of weakness.They need to share with them that it is okay to grieve; as it is a normal emotion.
The parents can also help the Choleric youth in Affection by being there for them as they tend to need to have someone to talk to in order for them to process their thoughts and deal with their anger. This is because when a deep relationship dies, they have lost control of the relationship as they did not give them permission to die.
In other words, the Choleric youth tend to need a “sounding board” to bounce off their thoughts; they do not want others to talk, they tend to want them to just listen. Having a person that will listen (as a sounding board) will help them to organize and deal with their loss.
They can also make an appointment with one of our temperament counselors for their youth. The temperament counselor will then generate an APS report on the youth and counsel them according to their temperament.
CONCLUSION
It is so important that the parents become aware of the fact that their Choleric youth in Inclusion, Control and/or Affection will need to go through the grieving process when they lose a close friend or relative. If they are not helped through the grieving process they may get stuck in the anger stage of grief.
They may even carry this anger throughout their life and blame God for taking their friend or loved one.
SCRIPTURES FOR THE CHOLERIC YOUTH IN INCLUSION, CONTROL AND AFFECTION.
Psalm 37:8: “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.”
Psalm 46:1 – “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Matthew 11:28 – “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
John 14:1 – “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.”
Ephesians 4:26: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”
Ephesians 4:32: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”