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Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” God sees each of us as a pearl of great value.  He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine! As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares. Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does? Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?” The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.” Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others. The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually. Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope. You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people. You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus! God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.” With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value. Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees. We are going to look at the Supine in Inclusion to see what may be irritating them and causing them stress in the Inclusion area: 1. Fear of Social Rejection: Supines in Inclusion want and need to interact with people; however, they tend to perceive rejection and will stand back and wait for a personal invitation rather than initiate. If they do not receive a personal invitation, they may isolate themselves and withdraw from people. This, in turn, will cause them stress as they need to interact with people. Physically: Because of their perceived fear of rejection, they may suffer from high blood pressure, stomach problems, headaches, ulcers, etc. Emotionally: Because of their perceived fear of rejection and feelings of having no value, they may find themselves on a roller-coaster ride full of self-pity and self-rejection. They tend to cry a lot because they are thinking that people do not like them. As a result, they want to run away from other people and themselves; however, as we all know, we cannot run away from ourselves. Spiritually: Because of their perceived fear of rejection, they may even fear that God will reject them, too. They may even think thoughts such as, “If people are going to reject me, God probably will, too.” Therefore, they need to learn: That God created them and accepts them just as they are and that it is all right to initiate. If they learn to initiate, it will alleviate many of their physical problems. That it is all right to have a good cry because crying helps them to relieve their stress. After a good cry, they can then take a deep breath and move forward. That God is always with them, so they are never alone. They need to take time to talk with God (and listen to Him), read the Holy Scriptures, surround themselves with songs of praise and worship, and find a church where they can fellowship with God’s people. See Isaiah 41:13: “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” See also Hebrews 13:5: “…I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” 2.   Inability to say “no” Supines in Inclusion tend to be unable to just say “no.” They want to say “no,” but they are afraid that the people around them will be displeased or upset with them. This, in turn, will tend to cause them stress. Physically: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become physically drained and unable to complete their commitments. Yet they will still take on more responsibility than they can possibly handle. This, in turn, will tend to cause them to be stressed to the “hilt.” All because they cannot say “no.” Emotionally: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become stressed (emotionally drained) when they are overloaded with responsibilities. They will then become easily irritated with people. They may have a difficult time sleeping because they cannot stop thinking about everything they must do. The Supine in Inclusion needs to socialize with people and also needs to do tasks. Spiritually: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become so overwhelmed with tasks and obligations that they do not have any time to spend with God. When they do pray, they tend to have a long list of complaints about how people are overloading them. Therefore, they need to learn: To say, “No, I cannot take on any new responsibilities until I pray about it.” By doing this, they will no longer be as stressed and drained and will be able to follow through on their commitments. That when they say “no,” they will not be as emotionally drained and will not be as irritated with people. They need to be with people as well as do tasks. Learning to say “no” can help them to maintain balance between doing tasks and being with people. That God gave them a servant’s heart and a gentle spirit, but He did not call them to be a doormat. See Acts 5:29: “…We ought to obey God rather than men.” See also Colossians 3:23-24: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.” 3. Fear of expressing their needs A great deal of stress can occur when the needs of the Supine in Inclusion go unmet because of their fear of expressing their needs. Physically: Because of their fear of expressing their needs, they tend to withdraw physically from people. They tend to become angry because they expect people to know what their needs are and, as we all know, it is not realistic to expect people to read their minds. They will then tend to say, “My feelings are hurt,” rather than say, “I am angry,” when others do not meet their needs. They believe that it is much easier for them to say, “My feelings are hurt.” The bottom line is that their “hurt feelings” are actually their internalized anger. Emotionally: Supines in Inclusion tend to “bury” their needs deep inside of them. After a period of time, these unmet needs will begin to stack up, and when the Supine in Inclusion can’t handle anymore, their anger will come spewing out. When this happens, they no longer want to serve others as they feel unappreciated for what they do for others. Supines in Inclusion tend to feel that if they must express their needs, others will comply out of duty or responsibility, and they will never know if the others genuinely wanted to help them. Spiritually: Supines in Inclusion may withdraw from God because they believe that no one, including God, feels that they have any value. They can then lose their “gentle” spirit because they have pulled away from the Spirit of God. Therefore, they need to learn: To admit that their “hurt feelings” are actually their internalized anger and must be dealt with. After they admit that it is anger, they can then forgive the person who angered them. Once they forgive those who “hurt their feelings” (made them angry), they will no longer have stress in this area. They must remember that their body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and they must learn to maintain this body in order to fulfill the call God has on their life. That others cannot read their mind and that when they do not express their needs, they are sending messages that they have no needs. This is called indirect behaviors, and if these needs go unmet, they will begin to fester and cause emotional stress. That fear does not come from the Lord and that they must learn to express their needs more directly. They need to draw closer to the Lord and trust Him so that they do not lose their “gentle” spirit and servant’s heart. See I Chronicles 16:11: “Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.” See also I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Supine in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” God sees each of us as a pearl of great value.  He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine! As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares. Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does? Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?” The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.” Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others. The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually. Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope. You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus! God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.” With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value. Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees. We are going to look at the Sanguine in Inclusion to see what may be irritating them and causing them stress in the Inclusion area: 1. Isolation from People: Sanguines in Inclusion thrive on being with people as people energize them. They tend to be outgoing, upbeat, optimistic and inspiring; however, being alone can be very stressful for them. When they are alone, they will tend to swing in a downward spiral and become moody, stressed and depressed. Physically: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may tend to compensate for the stress of being alone by binge-eating, excessive drinking, gambling, using drugs, etc. They may even neglect their personal hygiene, e.g., not bathing, wearing the same clothes for days without changing, etc. Emotionally: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may become moody and stressed. This will tend to cause them to swing from being upbeat and happy to downbeat and sad. They will tend to have a “pity party” and pout. What usually brings them out of this swing is to get out and be with people again. Usually, no matter how hard you try to make them happy, they can be so “down” that they will tend to pull others down by just being around them. They will swing upward when they come to the point that they cannot stand to be alone with themselves. Spiritually: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may be so stressed that they do not want to pray and spend time with God. They tend to just want to sit around and “pout.” And if they pray to God, they tend to do all the talking rather than listening. Therefore, they need to learn: To seek employment where they can interact with people. They also need to learn to bring into balance their socializing and their responsibilities. To reward themselves after they complete their responsibilities, since they are reward oriented. That God is always with them, so they are never alone. They need to take time to talk with God (and listen to Him), read their Holy Scriptures, surround themselves with songs of praise and worship, and find a church where they can fellowship with God’s people. See James 4:8: “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.” 2.   Social Rejection: For Sanguines in Inclusion, social rejection is usually so stressful to them that they will conform to the behavior of others in order to not be rejected. Physically: Sanguines in Inclusion may attempt to compensate for the stress of rejection by turning to drugs, alcohol, gambling, drinking and running with the wrong crowd. When they do this, their health usually suffers as they do not eat properly and neglect their personal hygiene. Emotionally: Sanguines in Inclusion tend to want to be the center of attention. They may try to get this attention by becoming loud and boisterous, then, if they do not receive the attention they need, they tend to “swing” from being upbeat and happy to downbeat and sad. They will tend to “mope” around and have a pity party (pout). They will not swing back to being upbeat until they are accepted by people again. Spiritually: Sanguines in Inclusion tend to say and do things that are not pleasing to God in order to keep from being rejected; therefore, they may pull away from God as they may think He will also reject them because of their behavior. Therefore, they need to learn: That trying to please people in ungodly ways will not alleviate their stress from social rejection; it can only bring on more stress as they tend to neglect their health by not eating correctly, drinking, etc., and by not taking care of their personal hygiene. Not to always try to dominate the conversation and be the center of attention but rather allow others to talk. When they are more considerate of the needs of others, they will find that they have fewer feelings of rejection, and their downward mood swings will become minimal. That God created them and He is always with them. When they say and do things that are not pleasing to God in order to keep from being rejected, they need to learn to ask for His forgiveness and draw closer to Him rather than pull farther away. See Hebrews 13:5: “…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” 3.  Tasks: For Sanguines in Inclusion, being required to do tasks all day will cause them stress. Sanguines in Inclusion need to be able to communicate with people; tasking all day is unthinkable to the Sanguine. They just cannot concentrate on a task for long periods of time; their mind will trail off, and they may daydream—dreaming that they are with people. If they must task all day, they need to be able to have “people” breaks in order to alleviate their stress. Physically: Sanguines in Inclusion may arrive late for work because they know that it is going to be a long, dull day. They will not care what they look like; they may look like they just “rolled” out of bed, e.g., unshaven, needing a haircut and wearing wrinkled clothes. In other words, personal hygiene is last on their “to do” list. Emotionally: Sanguines in Inclusion may become moody and stressed if they are required to do tasks without being able to interact with people. Their work will tend to suffer; it can become sloppy and haphazard, and they may make blatant errors and not follow through on their obligations all because of stress created by not being able to interact with people. This stress will throw them into their downward swing mode. They will no longer be upbeat and happy. Spiritually: Sanguines in Inclusion may be so stressed that they do not want to pray and spend time with God. They tend to feel all alone, like they are the only ones on the planet. They will tell you that they need a “real” person with skin on to talk to, and that when they pray, they still feel the need to talk with people. Therefore, they need to learn: That if they are isolated from people to find godly ways to meet their need for socializing, e.g., going to church, Bible studies, joining adult/youth groups, joining exercise groups, etc. To put God first and seek Him when they are lonely because He created them and He is with them always. He is just a prayer away. By doing this, it will lessen their fear of rejection. That tasks will stress them. When seeking employment, they need to find a job where they can interact with people as well as doing tasks. At the very least, they should try to seek employment where they can play music in order for them to “feel” that they are around people. See Psalm 18:6: “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.” PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Sanguine in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order. In the next issue, we will look at the Pearl of Great Value—Supine in Inclusion.