Temperament Corner: May/June
Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”
God sees each of us as a pearl of great value. He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine!
As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares. Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does?
Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?”
The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.”
Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others.
The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually.
Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope.
You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people.
You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus!
God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.”
With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value.
Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees.
We are going to look at the Supine in Inclusion to see what may be irritating them and causing them stress in the Inclusion area:
1. Fear of Social Rejection:
Supines in Inclusion want and need to interact with people; however, they tend to perceive rejection and will stand back and wait for a personal invitation rather than initiate. If they do not receive a personal invitation, they may isolate themselves and withdraw from people. This, in turn, will cause them stress as they need to interact with people.
Physically: Because of their perceived fear of rejection, they may suffer from high blood pressure, stomach problems, headaches, ulcers, etc.
Emotionally: Because of their perceived fear of rejection and feelings of having no value, they may find themselves on a roller-coaster ride full of self-pity and self-rejection. They tend to cry a lot because they are thinking that people do not like them. As a result, they want to run away from other people and themselves; however, as we all know, we cannot run away from ourselves.
Spiritually: Because of their perceived fear of rejection, they may even fear that God will reject them, too. They may even think thoughts such as, “If people are going to reject me, God probably will, too.”
Therefore, they need to learn:
That God created them and accepts them just as they are and that it is all right to initiate. If they learn to initiate, it will alleviate many of their physical problems.
That it is all right to have a good cry because crying helps them to relieve their stress. After a good cry, they can then take a deep breath and move forward.
That God is always with them, so they are never alone. They need to take time to talk with God (and listen to Him), read the Holy Scriptures, surround themselves with songs of praise and worship, and find a church where they can fellowship with God’s people.
See Isaiah 41:13: “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” See also Hebrews 13:5: “…I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
2. Inability to say “no”
Supines in Inclusion tend to be unable to just say “no.” They want to say “no,” but they are afraid that the people around them will be displeased or upset with them. This, in turn, will tend to cause them stress.
Physically: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become physically drained and unable to complete their commitments. Yet they will still take on more responsibility than they can possibly handle. This, in turn, will tend to cause them to be stressed to the “hilt.” All because they cannot say “no.”
Emotionally: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become stressed (emotionally drained) when they are overloaded with responsibilities. They will then become easily irritated with people. They may have a difficult time sleeping because they cannot stop thinking about everything they must do. The Supine in Inclusion needs to socialize with people and also needs to do tasks.
Spiritually: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become so overwhelmed with tasks and obligations that they do not have any time to spend with God. When they do pray, they tend to have a long list of complaints about how people are overloading them.
Therefore, they need to learn:
To say, “No, I cannot take on any new responsibilities until I pray about it.” By doing this, they will no longer be as stressed and drained and will be able to follow through on their commitments.
That when they say “no,” they will not be as emotionally drained and will not be as irritated with people. They need to be with people as well as do tasks. Learning to say “no” can help them to maintain balance between doing tasks and being with people.
That God gave them a servant’s heart and a gentle spirit, but He did not call them to be a doormat.
See Acts 5:29: “…We ought to obey God rather than men.” See also Colossians 3:23-24: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.”
3. Fear of expressing their needs
A great deal of stress can occur when the needs of the Supine in Inclusion go unmet because of their fear of expressing their needs.
Physically: Because of their fear of expressing their needs, they tend to withdraw physically from people. They tend to become angry because they expect people to know what their needs are and, as we all know, it is not realistic to expect people to read their minds. They will then tend to say, “My feelings are hurt,” rather than say, “I am angry,” when others do not meet their needs. They believe that it is much easier for them to say, “My feelings are hurt.” The bottom line is that their “hurt feelings” are actually their internalized anger.
Emotionally: Supines in Inclusion tend to “bury” their needs deep inside of them. After a period of time, these unmet needs will begin to stack up, and when the Supine in Inclusion can’t handle anymore, their anger will come spewing out. When this happens, they no longer want to serve others as they feel unappreciated for what they do for others. Supines in Inclusion tend to feel that if they must express their needs, others will comply out of duty or responsibility, and they will never know if the others genuinely wanted to help them.
Spiritually: Supines in Inclusion may withdraw from God because they believe that no one, including God, feels that they have any value. They can then lose their “gentle” spirit because they have pulled away from the Spirit of God.
Therefore, they need to learn:
To admit that their “hurt feelings” are actually their internalized anger and must be dealt with. After they admit that it is anger, they can then forgive the person who angered them. Once they forgive those who “hurt their feelings” (made them angry), they will no longer have stress in this area. They must remember that their body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and they must learn to maintain this body in order to fulfill the call God has on their life.
That others cannot read their mind and that when they do not express their needs, they are sending messages that they have no needs. This is called indirect behaviors, and if these needs go unmet, they will begin to fester and cause emotional stress.
That fear does not come from the Lord and that they must learn to express their needs more directly. They need to draw closer to the Lord and trust Him so that they do not lose their “gentle” spirit and servant’s heart.
I Chronicles 16:11: “Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.”
I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Supine in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.